I just had a bowl of soy peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, with a glob of peanut butter on top. I paired it with a delicous cup of coffee. Let me tell you, it was amazing. I decided to give in to this little fantasy after about 2 hours of thinking about it. I can guaruntee if Dutch was not still sleeping it would not have happened. I tend to really try to relax when Little D is taking a nap but I don't always do a great job. Today I just turned on Army Wives on netflix and kept hoping for the relaxed, I am resting, feeling to hit me. It never did. I just kept thinking about how tired I was and that ice cream and coffee sounded BOMB. BOMB.COM. So bomb that they might take away my exhaustion, transport me to a land where my two year old son gives me back rubs and pedicures. He changes his own diaper and is happy and sweet all day long. (he is the sweetest most beautiful boy in the world, btw, he still kicks my ass)
So, Dutch is into hour three of his nap from GOD (Naps from God are atleast three hours plus) and I decided to do it. I knew before I ate this that if it was going to happen I was not allowed to feel guilty. I would do it. ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT. And move on.
There was a time in my life when this little indulgance would have sent me into a depressed spiral of shame but as 34 (almost) year old AMAZING MOM GODDESS CASEY, I am learning to enjoy these moments of delicousness. Why not? Really, why not. I love my body and I love ice cream and I think these two things can go hand in hand.
I also realize if I would have read a book during nap time or actually took a nap myself, I would not have turned to the desert. Sometimes I make the wrong choice, I act a fool, I over caffenate, I nag my husband. I am human. A mom human.
In this moment I am VERY proud of myself for eating desert in the middle of the day and feeling happy about it. That is a big accomplishment for me. I re-learned ( I already knew this) that tv does not relax me at all and when Dutch is taking a nap I need to do things that are good for me. Being overly tired and MOM'ing all morning makes me want to eat chocolate or peanut butter in any form unless I find some constructive down time for myself. (I also learned that Army Wives is an awful show that I love to love. I kind of want to be Roxy and am in love with Matt even though he had that drug problem after he got back from Iraq)
I do kind of have a tummy ache now. I will remember this tummy ache tomorrow when I am READING my book, sipping my green tea during nap time.
So far, a great day at the office.