***I wrote this blog post probably three or four years ago and have never put it out there. I know it is very unfinished but I just want to post this right now. I am not embarrassed or afraid of any of my woo woo anymore. In fact, I think it is my favorite thing ever. Why be ashamed of that?
Sometimes I catch myself in a moment of pure bliss. I felt one tonight when we were coming home from Dutch's first time at the movies. I am happy most of the time but sometimes I am go go go so I don't really FEEL it. I have been working my ass off lately and it feels good and exhausting at the same time. I have been enjoying motherhood and family time when I have it and it is amazing and again exhausting at the same time. I think because I care so much about both things that I put my heart and soul into both which takes more energy. Tonight I was able to actually feel some of the down right, absolutely, in the present, a-ha, here is is-happiness. I am not sure if most people feel this all the time constantly, but I get bursts of it. It is like all of a sudden I realize I am exactly where I want to be and exactly how I want to feel.
I am proud of this because I have been working on happiness on a grander scale for the past 7 years. It all started with the book, The Secret. I know it is a controversial book but that book led me to the spiritual world of many things I never knew existed. Energy, spirit, the laws of the Universe, Mediums, and really just being in charge of what I create and who I am in this world.
I don't even know where to start so I guess I will start with the resource I discovered after the Secret. I went onto i tunes and searched for the Law of Attraction. Something by Abraham Hicks came up and I put it on my ipod and went out for a walk. I had no idea who Abraham Hicks was or what I was about to listen to. This was my first real lesson in trusting my gut and not turning away from something just because it was "weird." Abraham Hicks was that weird. I am walking along, listening to this nice couple talk about things that made so much sense to me. I loved their message, their calming tone, their loving thoughts about the world. Then they explained that Abraham was channeled through Ester Hicks. Abraham is from the other side and is coming through Ester to help us understand why we are here or something like that. Um...........what the f$%#. That is literally what I thought. I got a weird feeling in my tummy and was instantly scared because I had never heard of anything like this. So this Abraham voice comes through Esther and her voice sounds weird and I was about to turn it off when something stopped me. I think this is the first time I really heard my own inner voice. It is like when you know it is YOU inside your own head. Well my inner Casey said, don't turn this off. Keep listening. So I did. I did and I actually was blown away by the lessons Abraham was teaching me. I decided then and there without even realizing it that I was on a journey.
The tough parts of life put us on our path to awakening and success. By the time I started to seek out things, books, people to help me..... I felt lost. I guess that is why I was seeking answers. I had I wanted to feel good in my skin, to feel proud to be me, to let go of all of the pain of life that was holding me back. When I look back at how much energy I invested into the wrong things, I just shake my head.
It's funny, I have been thinking about blogging forever. Thinking about it, like, I need to do it but I don't know what to say......
Tonight I decided to just sit down and write and see what came out.
I would have never thought I would write about Abraham. How very vulnerable of me.
I guess I am about to share a story of the last seven years...not sure how I feel about this yet. I might change my mind.
*** I know I wrote that last part because I have always wanted to write a book. The thing is, I don't know what to write about and if I really even do want to write a book. I think it is just this thing that I think will get me to write. I don't do it enough. It is my favorite thing to do and I fear it at the same time. What is that? I feel creative and I feel my creativity wanting to crawl out of me but I push it down. I push it down with mom'ing, with working out, with watching tv, with cleaning the apartment, with anything I can. writing is never as important. That makes me sad............