My secret to passing the ACE exam

I will cut right to the chase, my secret is that I got to a point that I decided I deserved it.  I have wanted to pass this exam since I was 21 years old.  For the last 13 years I have thought about this test in some way.  I remember the first time I bought the materials, I was young and impatient.  I spent my $300 on all the books, I even registered for the test.   I opened the books and was overwhelmed by muscles, bones, nerves, blood flow and I decided that I just couldn't pass it.  WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!  Somehow I convinced myself that I didn't need to follow my passion.  There was no way I could ever pass a test like that let alone work with Fitness Trainers. 

I have bought these materials a couple of times in my life.  Thinking maybe this time, by some miracle from God, I can pass it.  Every time until recently, I quit WAY too early.  Like after page 5.  I would buy the books, open them, doubt myself and move on. 
I would look at Personal Trainers everywhere and wish I was them.  It is funny because that is such a huge sign of my path but I think until recently, I just wasn't in the right space to take it on.  I continued training myself and learning as much as I could about workouts, the body and the fitness industry, just because I thought it was fun.
Two years ago, I reached a point in my life and in my journey of self discovery when everything changed.  I think the stars were aligned, Traci (my current boss) took a chance on me and became someone who taught me about inner strength.  She really helped me continue to step into myself enough to believe I could stop freaking out over so many things and just have fun going after a career in fitness.
In the last two years I have gotten many fitness certifications but was still delaying the ACE exam.  I still had so much fear surrounding this test that even when I told Traci I was going for it, I was scared shitless.
I did not buy the book this time, I borrowed it from one of my fellow Fly Instructors.  When I opened it, everything  in my brain was different.  I actually knew so much of the material already and felt comfortable reading it.  I was shocked!  I found it interesting and started to use what I was learning in classes or with clients.  I studied off and on for about 9 months.  This was my little fitness exam baby.
The day of the test, I was freaking out.  Whenever I would think the word TEST or say ACE, I would get this wave of nausea.  Like, "shit.  SHIT.  I am actually taking this test that I have been  wanting to pass for 13 years.  No big deal."
I decided it was time to talk to myself in front the mirror, literally right before I went into the exam room.  If you have never tried this, it is actually really awesome.   I went into the restroom and  said out loud to myself, "Casey.  You deserve to pass this test." As I said it, I realized how unsure I was of this truth.  For a second, I thought, "I do??"  I just kept going saying, "you have studied for this.  You are a good person.  You DESERVE THIS.  You do and I love you."  I was shocked at how much this helped me.  I felt a difference in myself and was ready.

The test was Fing HARD.  For alot of the questions there seemed to be two right answers but they wanted the MOST right.  How annoying is that?!  I was also so pissed because alot of the things I spent alot of time studying were not even on the test.  Can you see how fear can disguise itself as anger?  I was literally pissed with fear.  I got halfway through the test and decided I had to accept failure.  I was sure there was no way I would pass this fucker. (sorry for the f bomb but I was heated at this point)  No way.  I knew that no matter what happened I would not stop taking the test until I passed.  If I failed, I failed but atleast I studied my ass off.  Even if I had to take it five hundred times, I would get this certification.  I felt like I was taking this thing for an eternity.  I just wanted it to be over but I also would not give up.  I did my best on every question but also started talking back to the test.  I would read a question and find myself saying "are you kidding me?  come on!"  I had written down about ten questions that I thought I should go back to and double check at the end of the test.  I started this process and got through two of them before I said to myself, "you know what?  I am done.  I did my best.  I can't look at this thing for another second.  Just be done."  So it took all my courage to click SUBMIT TEST.
I held my breath, I started to feel the panic flow through my body. 
When I finally saw the thing say that I passed, I almost passed out!  I really could not believe it.  I was so happy and I really felt so proud of myself.  It felt amazing.  I realize that all that stress, all the nerves, they were so worth it.  In a way, they were kind of fun because I definitely felt alive.  I noticed that throughout the rest of that day the feeling of bliss started to fade quickly and I was back into myself.  I want to share this because I felt it was actually pretty eye opening.  This test didn't define me.  For the last 13 years I thought if I pass this test, I would be amazing, I would be different somehow.  What I realized by actually passing it was that I was already enough.  I am the same person after the test as I was before only now I am someone who will go after what she wants and I highly recommend that.  I already have a few new goals set for myself because I never want to stop.  I keep on keepin on and that is what makes this life feel more like a playground.  The journey is always more fun.

Crestwood Park Blaster Workout

The weather has been amazing this week and an outdoor workout was just what the MAMA ordered.
I put Dutch in the stroller, got Vader on the leash and started my workout by walking to the park.  By the time we all got to the park, I was sweaty and ready to go.  There is a baseball field (sign says, NO DOGS, just ignore that) that is fenced in so Dutch and crazy Vader could run wild.  The field was big enough to use for sprints and there were plenty of things to distract Dutch so mama could get her sprint on.  I have no idea how long I was doing my workout but my guess is about 30-40 minutes of hard core-ness.  I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do but with Dutch there, I just had to just go with the flow.
First of all, you really have to let go of worrying about looking crazy.  Luckily the park was quiet but there were a few other moms close by the swing set.  Don't worry about sprinting and burpee'ing in a public place.  It's cool.  You will just look hard core.  (That is what I tell myself)
It went a little something like this:

sprint length of field, jog back 3 x
reps of 30 for the below
burpees
lateral hop overs
hizemans
push ups
squat jumps
plank jacks

At this point, I was dying.  The key is to push yourself HARD, meaning, move fast and strong. 
Dutch decided he wanted to race me, he kept saying, "RUN, c'mon, mommy.  RUN."
So we did.  Vader was right there with us.  I have to say, it made me so happy.  My boys.  I just love em.  Looking over and seeing Vader's slobbery ass running next to me, dog smiling.  It just melts my heart.  His bro, Dutch, (yes, they are brothers)  running so fast and laughing so loud.  ahhhh, I am in trouble with these two.
We would race one, then I would give Dutch a piggy back for one and we did that whole thing twice.  He would crack up when I was running with him on my back.  It was so cute and it made me so happy that I just kept going.

After our amazing running sesh, I went back to my reps of 30.
reverse lunges each leg
in and out jump squats
push ups
jump lunges
high knees
butt kickers

By this time Dutch was done.  He wanted to go swing and slide and so I decided I was done too.  I was totally worked and I felt awesome.  We played on the swings and then had a nice walk home.

If this workout sounds too crazy or not crazy enough, make up your own.  I am sharing this because park workouts with kids are an amazing way to get your body moving.  I hear so many mom's say they can't workout because they are with their kids all day.  The kids love this stuff!  They love fitness and just being with you.  Create your own workout and include the family.  They will love it.  If they don't (which could happen, depending on their age.)  then maybe try again another day or another way.  

A Mother's Perspective

You never know where you are going to be when you hear a message that changes your perspective.  Chad and I went to a beautiful and very special wedding last night where I heard something that did just that.

Let me start by saying we did not bring Dutch.  Kids were allowed, in fact they were encouraged, which was so awesome.  We were planning to bring him until the last minute when Chad's mom wanted to have him over night.  She is crazy and amazing enough to want both Dutch and his cousin (also 2)  over at the same time.  Although I wondered how she was going to make this happen and if the kids would get any sleep at all, I agreed.  Sometimes I need to let him have an experience on his own and trust that it will all work out.  It is so good for Chad and I to get a break when we can and this wedding was perfect for that. 

The venue was gorgeous and the bride is someone who is very special to me.  She may not even know that because we don't hang out all too often.  We used to work for the same company and our kids were in daycare together.  Finding another mom to confide in, to text about stuff like big boy beds, to just have as someone who "gets" you as a mom, that is so special.  Tracey, the bride, is amazing because she is one of the nicest and most caring people I have ever encountered.  I am not just saying this.  It is rare to meet someone who instantly wants the good for every person they meet.  Tracey is always thinking of others first whether its the barista at Starbucks, her son, her friends or the kid who is biting our kids at daycare.  She is the very definition of KIND.  Of coarse she chose a very intimate gathering for her ceremony and she had a way of making you feel like if you were there, you mattered to her.  It felt like such an honor and I teared up quite a bit last night just truly feeling the love in the room.  It was BIG and GOOD.

Tracey's son was in the wedding, pillow pet, binky and all.  It was so awesome to see him share in the ceremony and party and to really watch her and her husband love BIGGER with him in the room.  A few times during the night, I wished Dutch was there and not at his grandma's.  I DID high five Chad during the ceremony, when I heard and watched all of the little kid's losing their minds trying to be quiet.  I know he would have had a blast and I know Chad and I would have loved having him there, but it also felt really good to just enjoy the night-off duty (let's be real, you are never off duty, EVER, but sometimes breaks count)

Chad and I were having such a great night.  Chad hit it off with some man named Bob who looked kind of like Santa.  We were sitting next to him during the ceremony, he actually gave me a tissue when I started bawling during Tracey's vows.  He ended up at our table and Chad and Bob were BFF.  I loved it. 

Tracey's mom gave such a loving and heartfelt speech.  This speech is really what changed my perspective and I think the only way I could HEAR IT the way I did, is in this circumstance.  There was a moment she told Tracey and Bret that they needed to enjoy each and every day.  She said people get into the habit of thinking life will get better after __________.  Maybe life will get better after potty training, after school starts, after you win the lotto, after the vacation, after you lose the weight.  She said life is NOW.  She said this was one of the happiest nights of her life and as she said it, you could really feel how this night came so much quicker than she could have imagined.
 
This reminder really got to me because I find myself, even if its in the back of my mind, doing the whole- I can't wait until after _____.  I know about staying present, I know life is happening now, I have heard this message lot's of other places and I say it in my classes all the time.  Something about THIS time was different.  It sunk in.  I got it.

Each day means something special and I am going to do everything I can to cherish my life.  I know I may forget this from time to time but I know those beautiful reminders are sprinkled throughout our days.  If I look for them, they will help guide me.  I look back at pictures of Dutch as a tiny baby and I miss his little body.  I miss how he felt in my arms as a bambino.  It seems like the blink of an eye before he was walking, then running, now running away from me at times.  I was terrified of becoming a mom, that so much of that beautiful baby stage has gone way too quickly.  All the while allot of me was wishing it would hurry up and pass.  I appreciate all of this and all I can do now is move forward with all of these lessons, all of this perspective. 

Look for the messages.
Be open to receive them.
Love BIG.
The present is a gift.

The Art of Letting Go

Below is an old post from like two years ago that made me LAUGH!!!  Please note I do not condone hot hot yoga that cooks your body like a turkey on Thanksgiving.  I LOVE yoga and I do want to practice more but have since determined that HOT yoga (over 95 degrees is NOT for me).  This post made me laugh and smile because 1. I thought it was funny and would have never remembered this day if I didn't write about it. 2. I appreciate the fact that I am reminding myself the art of letting go via blog post.  Perfect timing for me.  I am going to let some shit go right now..............  There.  Gone.  Done.  bye bye.

Now enjoy this old story....

What is yoga to me? It is not only a physical workout that allows my body to feel strong, healthy, challenged and loved but it is a mental cleansing. I go into the yoga room whether its heated or non heated to clear my mental clutter.   Once I enter the room and lay down my mat, I set my intention to clear my thoughts. If there is a mirror I focus on my third eye with such connection, that I often don't pay attention to anything else in the room. It has taken me a few years to find my yoga breath and to really feel that strong connection to myself and let go of the ego that can creep in, especially in hot yoga.
I know how important nutrition and diet can play into my mind and body during class. I have learned many lessons and each class is different. I can honestly say the yoga room is the one place in this world where I really feel connected to my spirit. I know that sounds heavy but its true. Even if the connection is subtle, it is there if I am open to it.
The other night I went to class despite the fact that I ate a LOT of garlic at lunch that day. My breath reeked, my stomach was bloated and I was not in the best condition for a class. My husband was like...."you are still going?! Oh man, I feel bad for whoever is next to you!"
Of coarse I still went. I figure you don't open your mouth in yoga-I will be fine, no one will even notice. I really wanted some yoga that night.
At this point, I can taste the garlic in my mouth like the clove was hidden in there somehow. It was gnarly and I did not like it at all. I even said out loud before I ate it, "oh man, this is going to be bad but I don't care."
Later-I cared.
As soon as I walk into the "silent" room, a fellow yogi who I know, instantly came up to me and wanted to chat. Um......this is a SILENT room so as you can imagine, I was forced to whisper with him. I was picturing my husbands face on his face waving his finger and laughing hysterically while saying "I feel sorry for whoever is next to you!" Chad would crack up if he knew I was frickin whispering with some dude.
BUT-in this moment I was able to practice the art of letting go. Yoga has this way about it that keeps my spiritual radar wide open. I am aware. Not only of my body and the class, but of my spirit. Just let this go-I heard in my head. Don't worry if he thinks your breath is stanky and now thinks you have halitosis and possibly are the grossest yogi alive. Why does that matter? It doesn't....let it go.
Whew, letting go felt so liberating. It was not an instant letting go but after a moment or two, I was able to do it. I realize this is a weird and insignificant story but the letting go lesson is something that can help me throughout my life. If garlic and whispering get me to let go then I will take it!
Yoga is practice, whether its a downward dog pose or the art of letting something ego related go.....its all good and its all practice.
I find my place in the room and lay out my mat and get into dead pose. This is my favorite pose of all time, you just lay there and find inner peace......at least that is the goal.
The lady next to me starts HACKING! She is obviously recovering from a cold or throat thing and decided she HAD to come to class. Doesn't she realize how selfish she is being?! How could she do this to me! She is so gross! OMG-if she coughs one more time, I am going to be so pissed. Wait........what am I doing? Why am I thinking these awful things about this nice lady who unfortunately has a cough? What if I just let her cough go? What is so different about a cough vs garlic? Someone could have easily thought the same thoughts about me with garlic. Yoga lesson number two, we are all connected and number three-its always all good. Each time I take a class I realize the yoga is not always in the physical postures-but inside the mind during the class.
Could I ignore this lady's cough? Really ignore it and love her anyways? Send her healing energy and love rather than anything else?
I found I could. It was not easy, each time she coughed for the first instant I was irritated but the seconds that followed allowed me to work through it and let it go, love her and feed my own soul with positivity rather than the negativity.
While I was practicing letting go, I was having an amazing yoga class physically. I felt my body going an inch further when I needed to. Slipping more comfortably into standing bird and feeling places to adjust myself. I do think the physical side of class is a necesary distraction for getting my mind through the other mud. I picture my body holding my mind's hand and saying-"hey, lets walk through this park together."
I have thought about this class the remainder of my week. When something at work is bothering me, I continue to practice the lesson of letting go. It feels so much better than holding on.

Hill workout

I did an amazing workout at home the other day and wanted to share it with my homies.
I had major energy, a great playlist, not much of a plan and no equipment.  oh ya.
I live in a condo complex that has a very long and safe driveway.  It is more of a hill  and when you are running up it repeatedly, it seems long.
I decided I would run up the hill and jog down, doing 10 burpees at the bottom and repeating this combo, 10 times.
It was awesomely hard and I really made sure I pushed myself up that hill hard core each and every time. 
At one point I saw a lady from the old folks home come out and watch me and that made me even more motivated.  I had to show her I was strong!
When I was done with my 10 times up the hill/burpee combo, I did 10 more, this time stopping halfway up the hill to do 10 jump lunges and then when I got to the very top I put my feet at the top of the hill and my hands going downhill (on the grass, so I would not get hit by cars) and did 5 decline push ups.  I was really struggling the second half but the mojo was strong so I completed the workout.
Hills are such an amazing tool for home workouts.  If you want to do this with your bambino, just put them in a stroller and go for it! Don't worry about neighbors watching or people thinking you are crazy for doing cool workout moves.  Who cares.  Seriously.
If you want something a little less crazy, find an amazing hill and walk up and down it, many times.  Listen to your breath, feel your body, you will know if you are working hard or not.   
Get creative.
Set goals for the workout and don't stop until you are done!

Sexy and I Know It

My little fam moved into a new place about a week ago.  Moving is never easy but we feel so upgraded, so refreshed.  While packing up boxes I found my wedding dress, the most elegant dress that has ever been in my Universe.  My wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life and that dress brought back so many memories.  I remember feeling so beautiful that day, so loved.  So happy.  I could not wait to put that dress on again and feel even closer to that day.
I slipped  my feet in.
Pulled up the beautiful white fabric- and reached for the zipper.

It didn't fit.
What the........
Like, not even hold your breath and don't move, you can zip this up for a second, not fit.
Here is a recap of my thoughts as accurately and honestly as I can convey them immediately after this realization:
Holy shit.  It doesn't fucking fit.  I am a fatty.
I need to lose 15 lbs as soon as humanly possible.
What did I eat today?
Should I cleanse?  Maybe just cut out sugar and carbs.
I wonder if I look fat.  Can anyone tell I used to be skinny and now I'm not?
I wonder if Chad thinks I am fat?
If I was in Fitness magazine, I would look ginormous.  I could never be in that magazine.
If I want to be in that magazine, I better lose the weight.
Do my students think I need to lose weight?
Do they wish I was skinnier?
I love chocolate. 
Peanut butter and jelly toast is a staple of my morning.  shit.  I love waking up to that.  shit.

the above thoughts all happened almost simultaneously in a matter of two seconds.

I say to Chad, "honey, maybe I need to lose some weight, this thing doesn't fit."
Chad to me-"huh? are you sure?"  (he probably cant even tell the difference. love him.)

deep breath.  stay present.
thoughts flowed quickly again.  this time more honestly.  less in the fear. 

I am beautiful, who needs to fit into this thing?
Man, I was STARVING that day.
it used to be so hard to listen to my body.  i enjoy listening to it now.  I don't ever want to lose that.
I feel really good in this weight.  I rock this weight.  I have strong muscles.
I can actually eat and not obsess about food anymore.  That feels amazing.
I am beautiful and healthy whether I fit into this thing or not.
What made this dress the definition of perfect?  I guess that is up to me.
I don't ever want to fit into this thing or feel like I should have to.
I had a frickin baby.  I made a person.  I am awesome.
I don't want to diet and I am very comfortable in my skin.  I love eating healthy and working out.
I don't want anyone that I train to feel like they have to be who they were 5 years ago.
I am 34 frickin years old and I teach hard core fitness classes. BOOM, yes!
That dress is so five years ago.  change is good.
You can not defeat me, dress.  We had a good time, you are done now.
I can't believe I am okay with this.
That is really awesome.

me to Chad-"actually, I am crazy, I am totally cool with it.  I almost lost it there for a sec.  I feel pretty good with not fittin into this thing."
Chad to me -"hon, you look amazing."

I smile and realize I just defeated my ego.  I appreciate how I can sift through my brain and get to a place of love and gratitude. 

That Sunday I told my spin class at Fly about the wedding dress incident.  A few ladies actually clapped and every single woman in class could relate to the story in some way.  I felt so much stronger and more confident after I shared the story out loud.  I could feel my body respond to the positive energy and appreciate the praise.  One of the things that really truly helps me step into the authentic me is being honest and sharing as much as I can, even if it puts me into vulnerability.

This post is a reminder that you are a new you, everyday.  A healthy body does not exist based on the scale.  Health is how you feel in your skin.  How you choose to fuel yourself and move.
Here is to healthy living and loving ourselves.  If we are truly doing that...........whatever follows is amazing and beautiful.

 wedding day, August 11, 2007, weight watchers, really restrictive and hard on myself, trying to figure out how to be happy in my body.

 present day June 2012
a whole new focus, happiness and piece of mind.  It's funny, you would never know from looking at the outside.

Comparison-It's a Killer

I found an old blog post that I wrote almost a year ago.  It made me laugh and not laugh because I feel like I still struggle with the same issue.  I actually made myself feel better by finding and reading the old post.  I am proud of the me who wrote so confidently and it made me remember how good that feels. I thought I would share this ole post in case anyone else needed the same reminder.  Let's love ourselves and accomplish whatever goals we desire.  I kept saying in class this week that power really comes from vulnerability.  I truly believe that and that is part of the reason I write so candidly.  Spilling my guts to the world can sometimes give me my power back. 

So here it is-
Comparrison. Is it ever really a good thing? I am game for friendly competition when it motivates me or lights a fire under my ass in a good way. Lately though, I have been comparing my own body to other bodies. Is this needed? No. It seems to happen without my control. The day starts out normal, wake up, feel good, proud of how sore I am from my workouts, eat a healthy breakfast, head out of the house-ready to feel awesome. Then I see some chick with lean muscles, a nice tan, probably a six pack somewhere and a little piece of me freaks out. I start to pick apart my own body, analyze my body fat percentage, worry that I eat too much, wonder how long it would take me to look like them, exactly. Does this sound crazy? It should, because although I am thinking these things, at the same time, I know perfectly well that these thoughts are totally bullshit crazy. Its like I cant help it, the thoughts start to snowball and my confidence takes a backseat for atleast a few minutes. I have really been paying attention to when this happens and focusing on talking myself back into reality. I owe it to myself to let these negative thoughts go. I guess its all just fear. Fear of what? Not really sure, I guess being totally and completey comfortable with who I am. Can I live in that comfort? I really think I can. It is going to take some effort to send love to myself whenever I feel doubt. Send love and appreciation to all the hard bodies out there that I start to envy. My son Dutch is a constant reminder to get real. My body made him, for the love of GOD. I need and want to radiate self love in his honor. I notice when I do feel good about myself and value who I am no matter what that is, I feel empowered. When I love me, no matter what is going on with someone else, I remain happy. I think its wierd that the natural tendency for women is to be so self punishing, even if its a small thought. I work with some amazing teenage girls and it reminds me so much of the struggles I had when I was in my teens. Self love was pretty much non existant from the age of 16-26 for me. That is ten years of negative thinking to recalibrate and it is defnately feeling like a whole new view on life. I think all women struggle with insecurities. How can they not when everywhere they look are supermodels, reality tv stars, magazines and diet pills. I want every woman to realize they are beautiful, good enough and its okay if there are other people out there that have the hot looks. There is enough beauty, love and happiness to go around. I want to remind myself to admire other women and remain confident no matter who is around me. No matter who you are, you are good enough. Always. High five sisters.