Comparison-It's a Killer

I found an old blog post that I wrote almost a year ago.  It made me laugh and not laugh because I feel like I still struggle with the same issue.  I actually made myself feel better by finding and reading the old post.  I am proud of the me who wrote so confidently and it made me remember how good that feels. I thought I would share this ole post in case anyone else needed the same reminder.  Let's love ourselves and accomplish whatever goals we desire.  I kept saying in class this week that power really comes from vulnerability.  I truly believe that and that is part of the reason I write so candidly.  Spilling my guts to the world can sometimes give me my power back. 

So here it is-
Comparrison. Is it ever really a good thing? I am game for friendly competition when it motivates me or lights a fire under my ass in a good way. Lately though, I have been comparing my own body to other bodies. Is this needed? No. It seems to happen without my control. The day starts out normal, wake up, feel good, proud of how sore I am from my workouts, eat a healthy breakfast, head out of the house-ready to feel awesome. Then I see some chick with lean muscles, a nice tan, probably a six pack somewhere and a little piece of me freaks out. I start to pick apart my own body, analyze my body fat percentage, worry that I eat too much, wonder how long it would take me to look like them, exactly. Does this sound crazy? It should, because although I am thinking these things, at the same time, I know perfectly well that these thoughts are totally bullshit crazy. Its like I cant help it, the thoughts start to snowball and my confidence takes a backseat for atleast a few minutes. I have really been paying attention to when this happens and focusing on talking myself back into reality. I owe it to myself to let these negative thoughts go. I guess its all just fear. Fear of what? Not really sure, I guess being totally and completey comfortable with who I am. Can I live in that comfort? I really think I can. It is going to take some effort to send love to myself whenever I feel doubt. Send love and appreciation to all the hard bodies out there that I start to envy. My son Dutch is a constant reminder to get real. My body made him, for the love of GOD. I need and want to radiate self love in his honor. I notice when I do feel good about myself and value who I am no matter what that is, I feel empowered. When I love me, no matter what is going on with someone else, I remain happy. I think its wierd that the natural tendency for women is to be so self punishing, even if its a small thought. I work with some amazing teenage girls and it reminds me so much of the struggles I had when I was in my teens. Self love was pretty much non existant from the age of 16-26 for me. That is ten years of negative thinking to recalibrate and it is defnately feeling like a whole new view on life. I think all women struggle with insecurities. How can they not when everywhere they look are supermodels, reality tv stars, magazines and diet pills. I want every woman to realize they are beautiful, good enough and its okay if there are other people out there that have the hot looks. There is enough beauty, love and happiness to go around. I want to remind myself to admire other women and remain confident no matter who is around me. No matter who you are, you are good enough. Always. High five sisters.

Hollenbeck Hardcore Workout Wednesday

Sarah Hollenbeck turns 30 today.  Who is Sarah Hollenbeck?  She is a friend that takes classes at Fly Fitness and she is one of the most awesome people ever.  I created a workout in her honor today because it IS her birthday and I want to do what I can to celebrate her.  She is someone who is excited about turning 30 which is so impressive to me.  Every birthday comes no matter what so why not use it as an opportunity to celebrate, right, girlfriend?  Sarah is someone that is extremely dedicated to fitness and overall health and when you are around her, you feel happier just because she is such a positive person.  I know Sarah has gone through some hard times this year, like we all do when we are in this adventure called life.  What has truly impressed me is that she seems stronger, more loving of herself and even more willing to take whatever comes her way. 
A person really does reveal their self confidence in the gym and this chick-a-dee is no exception.  If you have been in class with her she is the one hootin and hollerin that her body is burning all the while pushing herself as hard as she can EVERY TIME.  Even when she was not physically feeling her best this year, she took the time to find her edge that day- and go right there.  I am inspired, LITERALLY INSPIRED, by Sarah.
We all go about our daily business, interacting with people, forming opinions and thoughts.  Taking what we can from each situation.  I am pretty sure Sarah knows that I think she is awesome but she probably doesn't know that she positively impacts my life on a pretty big scale every day I see her.  That is a pretty cool thing.  So today, how do you want to be?  How do you want to live your day?  How do you want to treat people?  I am pretty sure Sarah is going to be making people laugh and smile all day long.  That sounds pretty fun to me.

Here is my Hollenbeck Hardcore workout for this special day.

Warm up your body for at least 3 mins before starting this workout.  Remember I have 8lb. dumbbells at home so that is what I use.  Feel free to modify any of these exercises to find your level of hard.
The beginning of this workout is when your heart rate will be the highest, you will sweat and you should be breathing heavy.  All of the reps are done to the beat of the music, or one count.  Make sure you know the form for these moves.  That is always rule number one.  I was listening to BT Every Other Way and Love Will Kill You.  Find beats similar to that or just a fast pace.

Today is about STRENGTH.

Split lunge with bicep curl 20 curls, switch legs and hold for 20 more curls
One leg balancing airplane row 15, switch legs, 15 again
Assisted Pull ups 15 (if you don't have a pull up bar, just do another set of rows)
Push ups on toes 20
Tricep dips 30
Squat with a dumbbell lat raise 20
you will think I am crazy right here.  Catch your breath and GO, you can do this.
Squat with an X press 20
plank on your elbows 1 min
cobra pose on your mat for 3 long slow breaths
crunches 50
reverse crunches 30
oblique twist with one dumbbell 40
Now back on your feet, lets burn it out!!!  Focus on your muscles that you are working!
bicep curl with dumbbells 50
tricep dips 40
push ups on toes 10 push ups on knees 10
assisted pull ups 15
overhead seated shoulder press 20
plank with arms fully extended 1 min.  really squeeze your belly button to your spine as tight as you can, the entire time. 
jack knife sit ups 20  lay your body long on the mat, then bring your arms to your toes, right up in the air.
calf raises 50, then hold high for 10 seconds, then give me 20 jumps while on your tip toes.  You will have a bend in your knees, get high on the balls of your feet and jump.
hammy curl on soccer ball or other household object 30  lay on your back, feet up on the ball and lift your hips, like a pelvic thrust
leg lifts to when you think you cant go on, then hold for 10 seconds and give me 10 more
inner thigh lift 50, hold for 10
repeat other side
crunches 50
hammy curl on soccer ball 30
Now, the last 10-15 mins of this I did a yoga flow series.  It was like free style yoga and it went something like
Warrior 1, 2, 3 with reverse warrior on either side
I did some balancing like tree, dancer
Then I flowed to the mat for bow pose and stretch.
I want you to just follow your music and your body through a yoga series at the end.  If you really need to you can just find a yoga video on cable or something but the whole point was to just listen to your body and breath and find a practice that feels good.  It was really relaxing and I had Adelle, Counting Crows and Florence and the Machine helping me along.
I felt seriously amazing after this workout today.  I hope you do too and if you do this, please let me know!!!  I know Sarah is going to do this at some point.  She is that supportive voice who tells me how much she appreciates my blog.  It really helps me find the confidence to keep writing. 

I have not done an at home workout for awhile because I have been getting out to get my sweat on.  It felt great and for some crazy reason Dutch was entertaining himself downstairs.  It was amazing.  I had a few pangs of guilt, like, man-I should be playing with him right now.  Then I quickly let those thoughts go because I KNOW I deserved an hour to myself.  I focus every single minute of his waking life on him so I could take an hour without feeling bad.  I coached myself through it.  Namaste!

What NEVER works for Fit Mama....EXTREMES

What Never works for Fit Mama?  EXTREMES.
Before I share exactly what that means, please remember my philosophy.  You need to do what feels good to you and follow that feeling, always.  Trust and listen to your body.
There are a few things I need to rant about today.
1. CLEANSING
I am not a fan of any cleanse that does not include food for a certain number of days.  In fact when I have done a "cleanse" in the past, it only made me HUNGRY, ANGRY, CRANKY, MEAN, UNHAPPY, HUNGRY and HUNGRY.  For me, it has the opposite effect and makes me want to eat anything and everything.  I used to be a cleanse fanatic and would get so excited to drop 12 lbs. in 2 weeks by just drinking shakes and eating nuts "when you really needed to."  UM....mama no likey.  I would lose weight, yes, but in my opinion it was not because my body was releasing toxins.  It was because I was starving myself.  I do understand the health benefits of taking a break from certain things like caffeine, dairy, sugar, processed foods like breads for a limited amount of time.  Sometimes you need to get your groove back, to break addictive habits like eating chocolate after every meal (I am working on this....no, actually, no I am not.  Not today anyway)  I am talking about the shake cleanses, the juice cleanses, the artificial cleanses sold in pretty little packages.  I just worry that powerful marketing for the latest and greatest cleanse is giving people the wrong tools.  I don't think extremes work for the long term and if someone wants to get healthy and change their life, I want them to know they can be just as effective without starving themselves.  You can eat healthy and clean and feel good first.  I really truly believe that if you start inside the body will follow.  It's science.  It's the law's of the Universe.  Start by treating your body kind and loving.  Feed it good foods that make you feel better inside yourself.  Your body will be so happy and will start to show that by trimming down.
2. EXCESSIVE WORKING OUT
I have heard it one too many times.  "I was bad last week so I am going to do two spin classes a day for the next two weeks."  Okay, maybe that is an extreme example but sometimes I think people make exercise a punishment rather than a tool.  I understand falling out of routines for a few days, maybe talking yourself back into the gym.  The thing that can sometimes have the opposite effect on success is going to extreme, then realizing the work is too much, quitting and repeat.  In my own personal experience when I would be hard on myself or cruel, it would affect how I felt in my body.  It would lead me to the wrong place and I would feel guilty so the cycle would continue again.  My advice for creating a fitness routine is finding something you love to do.  Find something you enjoy or something you atleast want to see if you can learn to enjoy.  Do the amount that feels right.  Work as hard as you can in one class so that one class is enough.  I completely understand sometimes a double dip (two classes in a row) is in order, just to see what you are made of or possibly you are feeling super strong that particular night.  That is alot different than...."I was bad so I am going to make myself take two classes in a row."  The punishment always leads to rebellion which means stopping the workouts.  What if you worked out to FEEL GOOD.  Period.  I say it all the time, your body will follow your thoughts every time.  This example is no exception.
3. THE SCALE
I know this one is controversial because for some people, they have no issue with the scale.  It motivates them.  They can weigh themselves and not obsess.  Not Fit Mama.  (for some reason it makes me lol when I do third person Fit Mama)  I don't do the scale.  Once again, I used to.  I used to go NUTSO over it.  I had to learn it didn't work for me.  Simple way to realize what works and what doesn't is to ask yourself some questions......does this make me feel good?  does this help me reach my goals?  does this motivate me or make me feel discouraged?  I have the perfect example to share.  I have an absolutely gorgeous, lean, healthy client who comes to my toughest class.  This woman is a knock out.  She is extremely hard on herself and this week she was upset because she had "gained 3 lbs."  First of all, I don't think she gained the three pounds-I didn't see them anywhere on her and second of all, if she did-they looked great on her.  Did you hear that?  THEY LOOKED GREAT.  She is a scale person like me and has some crazy number in her head, probably from when she was like 21, of what she should weigh.  Why?  Who is the judge?  The judge is how you feel.  This beautiful woman had been working so hard.  She was about to go on vacation and wanted to enjoy how she felt in her bikini.  Because of the 3 lbs. she was not going to allow herself to feel good in a swimsuit.  It killed me but I can understand because I used to do the same thing.  Back in my weight watcher days I would eat as much pudding as I could handle, feel totally gross and awful in my body.  (what IS pudding???) As long as I lost weight that week I would celebrate by eating more pudding, feeling gross.  NO MAKEY SENSEY.

deep breath.  Today I encourage you to find YOUR guidelines.  Not rules- but find what makes you feel successful.  Take inventory on your patterns and evaluate which one's are working.  It all boils down to how you feel.  Every time.  Take a step and start to be aware of how you feel in your body.  Create that connection.  Free yourself from anything that has been holding you hostage to AWESOMENESS. 

Don't Forget About Fit Mama 8pm workout

Ay vey.  The past few days have really gotten me.  Life has just been a bit rough and I feel it in my body.  A heaviness, a stress heaviness.  Today was no exception and my workout kept slipping further and further away from me.  When my body feels stress I need to get my sweat on.  Like, BAD.  I am almost like a caged beast and someone bess let mama out of her cage before she go crazy.  Working out just re calibrates all of me. 

Dutch and I had ALOT of fun today.  We had fun from 7am until 8pm, with a nice 2 hour nap in the middle.  The BEST part of the day was from 4-6pm.  Dutch, Vader (Dutch calls him VER-its so cute) and I headed for this park by our apartment.  We ended up finding the RADDEST walking trail in the trees behind the park and all three of us went on a lil hike.  I just absolutely love being in the trees.  I really do think Dutch is athletically advanced.  What 2 year old can hike?  Seriously.  He was grabbing handfuls of mud and throwing it into nothing.  He was using sticks as imaginary swords and fighting battles with someone only he could see.  It was that juicy part of my day where I just felt like I was a cool mom.  Grabbing mud chunks has to balance the chakra's, right?

Today was long and all of a sudden it was 8pm and I had not worked out.  I WAS SO TIRED.  I really didn't think I had anything in me to give to a workout.  I debated just taking a shower and getting in bed to read.  Then I quickly thought how much better that would feel after I worked out.  I decided to just go upstairs with my ipod, leave the boys downstairs, and just see what happened.  If I can get myself to start a workout, I usually find my groove quickly and get into it.  I definitely got a good sweat, my breathe was challenged, my body was working.  I feel really good about it because I was up there for at least 40mins when I planned to only do about 20.  I wouldn't say I felt FABULOUS in my body during the workout but I did release allot of stress and burned allot of cals.  I just mean, I wasn't my normal self and I could feel it but after a long day, just getting that in felt like an accomplishment.



So, here is the Don't Forget About Mama, 8pm workout
jump squat tabata
push ups 20 (on your toes!)
squat thrusts 20
tricep dips 20
high knees 40 (count each knee)
sumo squat with bicep curl 20 (I had 8lbs. in each hand)
weighted squats 40 (I had an 8lb. dumbbell in each hand. using proper form, go as quickly as you can)
Reverse lunge with knee tuck 20 each side (reverse lunge then just bring that same knee into the chest, no plyo here, just move quickly with good form.  tight tummy to get the extra core blast)
one leg balancing row 10 each leg
mountain climbers 40 (count each knee in)
pull ups (if you dont have a pull up bar, just do a row) 20
crunches 40
*
plank/downward dog tabata  (hold plank when you are 20 secs on, move into down dog in your 10 secs off)
*
do that whole first round again  (the 13 moves)
*
core tabata (each 20 secs choose a new core exercise, don't forget the low  back)
   
definition of tabata-20 seconds of ultra-intense exercise followed by 10 seconds of rest, repeated continuously for 4 minutes (8 cycles).

Nap from God Ice Cream Break

I just had a bowl of soy peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, with a glob of peanut butter on top.  I paired it with a delicous cup of coffee.  Let me tell you, it was amazing.  I decided to give in to this little fantasy after about 2 hours of thinking about it.  I can guaruntee if Dutch was not still sleeping it would not have happened.  I tend to really try to relax when Little D is taking a nap but I don't always do a great job.  Today I just turned on Army Wives on netflix and kept hoping for the relaxed, I am resting, feeling to hit me.  It never did.  I just kept thinking about how tired I was and that ice cream and coffee sounded BOMB.  BOMB.COM. So bomb that they might take away my exhaustion, transport me to a land where my two year old son gives me back rubs and pedicures.  He changes his own diaper and is happy and sweet all day long.  (he is the sweetest most beautiful boy in the world, btw, he still kicks my ass)

So, Dutch is into hour three of his nap from GOD (Naps from God are atleast three hours plus) and I decided to do it.  I knew before I ate this that if it was going to happen I was not allowed to feel guilty.  I would do it.  ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT.  And move on. 

There was a time in my life when this little indulgance would have sent me into a depressed spiral of shame but as 34 (almost) year old AMAZING MOM GODDESS CASEY, I am learning to enjoy these moments of delicousness.  Why not?  Really, why not.  I love my body and I love ice cream and I think these two things can go hand in hand.

I also realize if I would have read a book during nap time or actually took a nap myself, I would not have turned to the desert.  Sometimes I make the wrong choice, I act a fool, I over caffenate, I nag my husband.  I am human.  A mom human. 

In this moment I am VERY proud of myself for eating desert in the middle of the day and feeling happy about it.  That is a big accomplishment for me.  I re-learned ( I already knew this) that tv does not relax me at all and when Dutch is taking a nap I need to do things that are good for me.  Being overly tired and MOM'ing all morning makes me want to eat chocolate or peanut butter in any form unless I find some constructive down time for myself.  (I also learned that Army Wives is an awful show that I love to love.  I kind of want to be Roxy and am in love with Matt even though he had that drug problem after he got back from Iraq)

I do kind of have a tummy ache now.  I will remember this tummy ache tomorrow when I am READING my book, sipping my green tea during nap time.

So far, a great day at the office.

Body Image Nirvana, the constant quest

I love myself so much and can't wait to look into the mirror each morning. I thank my body for being so amazing and living with me each day, working hard, supporting me no matter what. AND THEN I WOKE UP. Does anyone out there really feel that way? Is it even possible to be kind to our bodies every day, every second of the day? My guess is that it might always take a level of effort to quiet the negative thoughts when they creep in but I have to believe if I put the intention out there, I can achieve that level of body image nirvana.

I have already come so far in my journey. I could be so cruel within my own mind, even when I was completely beautiful. (Even typing that I used to be completely beautiful makes me cringe for a second but I will carry on, part of the journey) Knowing how far I have come gives me faith that continuing to search for all the love I can find for myself will bring me to a more loving place till the end of time. I want to be 100 years old and loving the hell out of myself. I sometimes daydream of how easy it will be to let all the shit go when I am older than dirt, wrinkled-so the pressure of being beautiful is gone, eating all the desert I can handle because who cares, I am an old lady?! How demented and twisted is that?! I am definitely not going to wait till my old wrinkly, cute granny years to find my self. I know it starts today so whenever I find myself being completely judgemental I ask myself a few questions to snap myself out of it:

What would you say to Kelly (my bff) if she was thinking these things about herself? The answer here is always the same. I would tell her she was nuts and that she is gorgeous and fantastic and AMAZING!!!

What does Chad (hubs) think of you? He is constantly telling me I am beautiful (cringe again) and he loves me so much. Why am I being so mean to myself when I am married to an amazing man who thinks I am gorgeous?

What would I do if I heard my lil sis picking on herself? This one REALLY gets me. I love my sister so much and I never want her to struggle with judging how she looks. She is completely and totally gorgeous and I want her to know that every day all day. I want her to step into her power and own that hot bod. Feel confident and free. Women in this world rarely do that as much as they should.

When I think about the women in my life I honestly can't think of a single woman who does not pick on themselves regarding their looks. Not one. How is that possible?! They are all so beautiful in different ways. Why in the world are they not celebrating that every damn day? I would love to blame the media, tv, magazines, all of the evil tools out there that don't help the case. But really.....we are the one's picking up the mags. We are the one's who watch the tv shows that lead to self doubt. We are the one's comparing ourselves, deciding the airbrushed reality star is who we should look like. How about we all stop that today? I am not kidding. Let's make it simple. It might be a conscious effort everyday to let the negative thoughts go but let's start with today. One day at a time. Wake up and look ourselves in the mirror, tell ourselves we are gorgeous. I am going to stop typing to go to the mirror right now.

***Looking in the mirror, saying sweet nothings***

Okay, that was actually quite fantastic. Even if you may not believe the words now, keep saying them. You never know when your perspective will change. Let's all be in charge of finding as much love for our bodies as we can. This has to start now. Not 10lbs. from now. Not when you get to your goal weight. Of coarse you can still want to lose a few pounds but why not start loving your body while you are on your journey, even if you want to lose 100 lbs?

What sparked this intense rant? I had an amazing workout with a room full of super hot, fun women last night. There were three Instructors in that class and afterwards we were discussing how we feel in our bodies. I was SHOCKED to hear the other ladies describe what they were focusing on during class. It was nothing major but there was some negative in there. I was watching them in class thinking I wanted to BE them. I was in the same boat, staring myself down, going through a mix of thoughts like- "dang, my guns look good-to-man, I would look so much better if I could just shed a layer of fat- to- Man, look at HER, she is doing this so much better than I am." My brain was all over the place and the other ladies had the same experience. We all confirmed that we thought the others were crazy. They had the same game playing in their brain. It was like a science experiment into the female brain. The conclusion-every single woman I know is way too hard on themselves, myself included.

Deep breath.

The good news is, we are all in charge of this. Let's keep truckin, keep finding the love, keep surrounding ourselves with people who support us. I am so proud of how far I have come in my journey and it will never stop. Today I am going to be kind to me. When I look in the mirror I am going to smile and say thank you. When I pick up my heavier than hell son and throw him around, I am going to be proud of my strength. When I hear a negative thought I am going to observe it and quickly let it go. Small steps matter. Let's support eachother, girls. Get our power back.

There is so much to this message but for now, I want to focus here. I hope that being open and honest about this helps someone else realize they are not alone in their struggles. Whether you feel you have far to go or are on your path, I appreciate you. I support you. Now go look in the mirror and say something amazing! If you are ready for the next step, START BELIEVING IT!!!!

The Spiderman Sneak Attack Workout

Today was one of those days that was just so awesome I feel like a zombie right now. It is only 8pm. I mom'd my ass off and I am exhausted. I did get my workout in today, which is always an accomplishment. Dutch, Vader and I took ourselves to the park to see what we could come up with. I knew I wanted cardio today and I am very happy that I got it. It was misty raining out this morning, but we still went for it. Misty rain is great when you want to workout at the park because the place is usually empty. Today of all days, everyone had my idea. We usually walk to Grass Lawn park which is uphill pretty much the whole way. I clocked it today and it took us 17 minutes. We usually just hop on an empty field and do some sprints, burpees and whatever else sounds fun. When we got there and saw everyone and their mama on the fields, we came up with plan B. I figured we could run around the track even though there was kids soccer practice going on. Fun, right? mmmmm, fun for one lap before Dutch decided he didn't want to be on that rainy track, watching the other kids do cool soccer moves.

No problem! Time for Plan C. We all just started walking around the park and did a bit of exploring. I strategically had us walk past the play structure, looking at the AMAZING trees and grass (distraction so Dutch would not want to go on the wet slide and detour my workout) right to the tippy top of the park. I could not belive Dutch got back in his stroller willingly but it happened so away we went. We just kept walking as fast as I could power walk up to Bridle Trails which is about another 10 mins up hill. Not bad! My body was enjoying the power walk. I usually go so hard core that today I was diggin on the low core. But then I wanted to sweat. SO! We did a nice jog home and I still felt like I had some mojo. I have never taken Dutch into our apartment complex workout room and today was his day. I told him we were going to see a MAGIC, HIDDEN room and it would be so cool! The gym is not bad at all and has the basics. There is also a flat screen tv to entertain the Dutch man. I got in atleast 10 mins of hard core elliptical before he started to go nuts. I did pick him up and elliptical with him which he thought was hilarious. We then moved to the treadmill and I actually jogged with him in my arms for a minute. Not really that cool although again, he thought it was awesome.
By the time I got back home we had been out and about doing our workout adventure for over an hour and a half! I will take it!

We never really stopped the action today and went on many little adventures including fro yo and Juanita Beach. Two year olds are so crazy because one minute they are the light of your life, bringing you so much joy, then its time to go home and they become DEMON CHILD.

You will see my little angel playing on the beach, so peaceful.
Right after this innocent picture he ran into the water, up to his knees. Managed to cover himself in sand. Chase some ducks. When I told him it was time to go he FAAAAREAKED out. He was the kid kicking and screaming, begging me to let him stay. Uh......no. Homie don't play that, Dutch.

Being a mom all day and night for the rest of my life (doesn't that blow your mind, sometimes?!) is something I am fully in love with but at the same time, can just wipe me out. I understand how people can put exercise off or think they are too tired. That is when I encourage you to find things the whole family can do or atleast find something you love, that makes you feel good. I appreciated Dutch as a workout partner today and I love that feeling of accomplishment after a good workout.

I will also share that my baby is not in a crib anymore. On an impulse I tore that sucker down today and just decided it was time Dutch had a bed (which is a mattress on the floor right now cuz I was kinda crazy and did this with no plan). It was such a surreal moment. My baby........in a bed. Or atleast not a crib. Even typing this right now and picturing his little body on that bed like such a big boy makes my eyes water a bit. I am so proud of him and who he is.
Kids really do grow up so fast. Before you know it they are out of the house and you are back with just you. It is so important to make sure you know who that is. Its okay to take the time to remember yourself when you are mom'ing your ass off. It's okay to continue to sneak in time for yourself when you need it, whether its for a workout or just to close your eyes and breathe. Make sure you are looking out for yourself, ladies. You are allowed to love yourself too.