I just called a radio show to ask a question I already knew the answer to. I am honestly a bit disappointed in myself for not listening to myself, but I am working on changing that tune right now. It won't help me to be upset with myself. What will help me is starting to listen to my own knowing. I have worked so hard to be able to hear and feel the knowing. It has taken years of conscious effort to get past the bullshit and feel the important stuff.
Now I need to follow its guidance.
So I called the show and I basically said, "Hi Marie, can you please tell me why my sister and stepmom hate me so much and why I feel guilty distancing myself and why I am afraid that my dad and brother won't understand and think it is all my fault that family is not the way it should be?"
I already knew the answer.
I needed her to tell me it was okay to not work at a relationship with them. I needed her to tell me I was not a bad person for giving up on what I think a family should be. I needed her to tell me I was not horrible even though they don't care to have a relationship with me. She did tell me all of that and I instantly vowed to really listen to myself. I have asked energy workers for years, what should I do? who am I? can you tell me my purpose? I have gotten some wonderful, beautiful, healing help and advice through the years. It is time, though, for me to help myself. I am smart. I have a strong intuition. I need to do the work to be able to guide myself. I already know what that work looks like. It is quieting down. It is journaling. It is staying in a high vibration. It is saying sweet things to myself. It is redirecting my thoughts when they are not supportive or helpful.
It is knowing that I am extremely empathic and taking the time to separate my feelings from others and realize when I feel guilt, sometimes it is not REAL. It is guilt release training with breath and loving myself and TRUST. Trust myself and the Universe.
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