The Brave Throwdown- As the STRONGMUTHAZ

So I just blew up my facebook page and IG with pictures from the Brave Throwdown.  What was it?  When I signed up I thought it would be like gym class.  A fun little fitness competition where you count who can do the most burpees in a minute.  I thought it would be hard but I had no idea it would suck the life force out of me.  It was not a gym class workout.  It was a CRAZY FITNESS FREAK workout and it kicked my ass.  It kicked my ass in the first five minutes and I had about 50 to go. 

My friend Tara is the one who got me to sign up.  She texted me a picture of the flyer and said, "you should do this."  I don't know how I actually ended up doing it but she was the inspiration.  I was on a team with two women from the gym who I absolutely love.  Heather is the Personal Training Director at Penn and Lissa is an Instructor.  At first Lissa said, mmmmmmmmm no.  Somewhere along the way she realized she wanted to do it and the Strongmuthaz were born.  We are all moms and I love having that bond with them.  It is mom power.  And it's awesome.

So, okay, we show up and all I see are fit dudes.  Everywhere.  Then sprinkle in the fit females and I realized this was going to be brutal.  Everyone else seems like they are READY.  They are fierce.  They might of actually trained.  shit.

The competition was like this, 45 seconds of something crazy hard, followed by 15 seconds of active rest, like a plank.  (pssshsdasfsdfr, that is not rest. but mmm, hello, Casey.  Stop being a whiny baby and man up.)  Do that for 8 rounds, which is 8 mins of work.  Then- a 5 min AMRAP but each person on the team goes in turns.  There were six total "events."  Three of the 8 minute MUTHA F&CK$RS and three of the AMRAPs. 

The event was so well put together, I must say.  Everyone there was so warm and friendly and I really got a beautiful sense of community.  That is one of the things I love about Hilo.  People are just really connected in certain situations. It was most of the gyms in Hilo working out together but The Brave Fitness put the event on.  Their athletes were tough, by the way.  holy moly.  Same with the cross fitters.  Man, they know how to take a beating and make it look easy.

So we got started.  Boom.  Here we go.  I was smoked and body rocked after about 5 minutes.  Not exaggerating.  I was freaking out.  How was this happening?  But it was what it was and my team was so amazing and loving and strong and we just kept going.  I was fighting my way through it.  Talking to my body, thinking, "MOVE."  "GO."  But my body was like........if you do one more clapping push up, you might not make it.  You might land on your face.  You really might have to run outa here and puke.
What I really was proud of is that I was apart of this crazy thing.  I was in that room, on the scoreboard with amazing and incredible athletes.  My teammates included.  I was proud of myself for pushing as much as I could and for surviving.  We didn't win but we did it.  That in itself is awesome.  There were only three all female teams and we were one of them.  That is so cool! 

I was able to feel the room.  Not so much when I was about to die because I was getting my ass kicked so hard but.....during moments........when I could hear Chad telling me to BRING IT.  When my friend, Tara, got down on her knees and right in my face and told me to WORK.  She told me I WAS STRONG.  When I looked up and saw Dutch saying, GO MOM!  (then he said, can I go back to play with my friends now?!)  I got them.  I was getting them in that moment.   I loved them.  I looked over at Heather just working like the energizer bunny and Lissa pushing herself in a way I had never seen before.  The way I felt about the strangers after we did that sort of work together........it was connection at its finest. They might not even know the love I felt for them, the one's who kicked my ass.  I was in awe of them.

I am so glad I signed up for that good ole THROWDOWN.  You never know when you will get your ass handed to you and have a spiritual experience all in one moment.

the good life

I found my good ole blog today.  I don't know what made me look for it.  I really don't but I was shocked when I found myself thinking, "I like this girl.  This mom who wrote this blog.  She is cool.  I like what she is saying." Most of the time I feel like a maniac mom person.   I feel like fitness and writing are two things that make me feel grounded.  Probably because they are what I am passionate about-- but that is what happens.  I could be a raving, mad, lunatic all day and then I am in the gym feeling like I GOT THIS.  Or writing my thoughts and they seem SO SIMPLE.  I have thought about writing many times but have felt confused about where to start.  The last year has been crazy.  Literally. 

So, it started with our move to Hawaii.  Those that know me have heard it a million times by now.......We boarded a plane, a few suitcases and our dog and away we went. 

I honestly thought by this point I would have my own rockin Personal Training business.  I would be successful, have a million clients, I would tear it up.  I would successfully sell Advocare to everyone on the island and watch them transform into healthy, workout machines.   I would write a wonderful fitness blog and continue my strongmutha.com website.  Possibly expand to online coaching.  I mean, really.  Nothing would stop me.   I would help so many people, I would blast off in my Training career.  Um.......that did not happen.  Not at all.  I don't blame myself for dreaming.  I loved it.  I loved the unknown of what would happen when we got here.  I was excited to not have a plan.  As Chad and I kept saying to ourselves, "we are adventuring."

How do I even describe what happened when we got here?
I don't know but I will try.

We ran out of money in about two months.
We couldn't find jobs to save our lives.
We realized we could not live with Chad's parents (Love you guys!!!!)
We were scared shitless.

And that is when everything changed.
I don't blame the fear.  It is natural to be afraid when the shit hits the fan.  It was part of the adventure that we just didn't know about ahead of time.

What we quickly realized is that this adventure was not going to be smooth sailing.  I  realized why my family was worried about me moving to an island.  Everything they said was true.  It was hard as hell to find jobs.  It is expensive here.  We were crazy.  yes. yes. and yes.  But what I love is that was all part of it.  Now that we are doing a helluva lot better I realize we needed that.  This island has given us everything we need from the start.  The first lesson being:  YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT SHIT.  Even though we came here with nothing, really.  We still needed that lesson.  second lesson, YOU GOTTA GET WAY OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.  Not just out of it a bit.  GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT ZONE.  third was really learning to be GRATEFUL.  I don't mean to share these lessons like, we are so enlightened now because of the lessons we have learned.    Hell no.  We still work on the learning everyday.  I am just sitting here, looking around at our small studio that we live in with the three of us and our 90lb, hairy ass dog, thinking.  THANK YOU GOD.  WE ARE SO LUCKY. 

In that last year I have been so proud of my family.  We never gave up.  We eventually came up with Hawaiian Plan B and feel amazing.  Chad is going to school for his BS in Computer Science.  He is getting straight A's for the most part and I am so incredibly in awe of his passion for software development.  Because we are here, he gets to pursue his dream.  Somehow, he got into the U of H and was able to get student loans.  This has been the new goal of the family.  To support Chad in this amazing education that will soon really help our family. Not to mention he loves it like I love fitness.  Dutch was able to get a scholarship to an amazing pre-school.  Things that like that just started coming out of no where.  We have the most amazing family ever (the same people we could not live with) who did everything they could to help us get on our feet.
We met the most incredible, giving, people.  I look around at our situation just thinking, there is no way any of this could have been the wrong choice.  Although it has not gone as planned AT ALL, it is beautiful.  These people are meant to be in our lives.  They are meant to teach us things and share things.  This island is magical and lovely and warm.

My fitness career is one of the things that has surprised me the most.  It has gone through some transitions.  I started teaching and training full time at an amazing gym in Hilo, Penn Fitness.  That gym and the people in it are A WHOLE NUTHA LEVEL special to me.  After a few months of working there full time I realized it was not going to support us enough.  There is not really a fitness industry in Hilo.  Not what I was used to.  The stress that I was feeling trying to make enough money to survive was killing me.  I had to leave the gym.  We were still in our tough times.  "Not sure how to get food on the table" sort of times.  The Universe, the island, truly gave me a huge gift, which is working at Altres staffing.  I would not have asked for a desk job.  No I would not.  BUT, if I have to have one, this is a pretty amazing one.  And, it is in Hawaii which makes it awesome in itself.  The girls I work with are incredible human beings.  My family is so much more comfortable, we are able to enjoy so much more.  I am still involved with the gym and have one client who is a whole nutha blog in itself because she is so mind blowing-awesome.

Did I mention Dutch is so happy here?  He has no clue we have even struggled.  He thinks we have a big ole slumber party every night.   Kids are magical. 

So there it is. 
I see comments on facebook when I post pictures of us at the beach like, "Hawaii looks good on you guys."   I think someone said "The good life."  something like that.  Yes, it is.  It's an amazing life.  It is not just what you see in the pictures but when we find the happiness, the good stuff, we take pictures.  We document that shiz.  So thank you for that.  I always realize we do live a pretty damn good life when I see those comments. 

My goal now is to really find peace with myself.  To just stop trying to plan the future.  I want to be here in this island life for now.  I want to enjoy the hell out of it and work on my spirit.  Learn to be quiet more, learn to enjoy life.  Really learn what being happy is to me. 

I do want to write more often.  I want to share what the island has taught me about my body and my fitness mentality. 

I will.