I am starting from the inside out for the first time, although I have been preaching it for years.
I know I am doing this different now because I am looking at myself and other women completely differently. All women and all shapes are beautiful and none of my business at the same time.
As I am uncovering all of my own judgements of others, I am stopping the judgement of myself. They say that is true, don't they? Any judgement of others is really juding yourself. I never really thought that was for real. I am seeing it stare me in the face right now.
If I am being completely honest, I think I felt like I needed a perfect body to be good enough to even just breathe. To talk to my friends. To go out to dinner. To wear that outfit. I need a better body. A body that worked hard, kicked ass, fought her way to that perfect moment.
I dont want all of the fighting anymore. I am confused about what I want from my body. I would be lying if I didnt still hold some expectations of myself. I am not mad about that. I am just aware. Beautiful awaremess. The first step in figuring shit out.
Back to my new outlook that is really wierding me out.
I used to think only really fit women were beautiful. What the fuck was I thinking?!